An astonishing experimental therapy; the virus, rendered harmless to its host, used tumor cells to reproduce the way it always does: by reproducing itself inside of them and forcing them to explode and die. By giving her a massive dose of the vaccine, the viruses attacked all the tumor cells at once, eliminating the cancer.

The study “satisfied the longstanding ‘Bradford Hill’ criteria for what’s called medical inference of causation by linking dose (the more sugar that’s available, the more occurrences of diabetes); duration (if sugar is available longer, the prevalence of diabetes increases); directionality (not only does diabetes increase with more sugar, it decreases with less sugar); and precedence (diabetics don’t start consuming more sugar; people who consume more sugar are more likely to become diabetics).” So now I have to cut sugar out of my diet. YOU BASTARDS.